Holiday Driving Sing-along

This is the while-driving-during-the-holidays-re-mix of the song “All I Want for Christmas Is You” (original song by Mariah Carey). I’m sure that those of you who get behind the wheel might find yourself singing a similar tune on occasion. Let’s start:

Get in the car, do up seatbelt, start the car. (For those of you who have a remote starter, well good for you, some of us have to go outside in the freezing cold and start our cars up with a key.) Ready, get set, and go:

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don’t care about presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

 

I don’t need to hang my stocking

There upon the fireplace

Santa Claus won’t make me {hooooonnnk!!}

HELLLOOOO!!! What shade of green you waiting for up there? {hooonnnkk!}

Finally!

With a toy on Christmas day

 

I just want you for my own

Hey Donkey!! That’s not a crosswalk! Jeeezus!

Make my wish come true

What the fu*&?!! You trying to kill someone?

Learn how to drive!!

Baby, all I want for Christmas is you

 

I won't ask for much this Christmas

What is WRONG with people today?

{hoooonnnkk!!}

That’s right, just step off the sidewalk without looking. Nice one!

I won't even stay awake to

Hear those magic reindeer click

Oh my lohd!! Get off the phone and try focusing on driving, will you?

'Cause I just want you here tonight

Holding on to me so tight

What more can I do

Baby all I want for Christmas is you

Baby all I want for Christmas is yoou...

 

(Reach destination, put car in park and replay part of song because you missed your favourite part somewhere back there.)

 

Happy holidays!!

Survivor Samoa -- FINALE -- 20 December 2009

Brett won yet another immunity challenge, earning a spot in the final four. Part of the challenge where Brett’s abilities really shine has to do with assembling puzzles. In this case, that came in handy during the last part of the challenge. Unfortunately, assembling puzzle pieces was also Jaison’s downfall, who wasn’t even close to finishing the puzzle. Puzzle pieces – definitely not one of Jaison’s strengths. When it came to the second last tribal council, the remaining survivors voted off Jaison -- leaving him blindsided and the next one to take a seat on the jury.

The next and last immunity challenge focused on balance and determination. The players had to add length to a pole (adding pieces to it) while balancing a statue atop the first piece of the pole. When the statue fell over then it was game over for the player. Brett and Russell came down to a final head-to-head challenge with their statues balancing on top of 7 foot poles. Alas, Brett’s winning streak came to an end as his statue tumbled to the ground before Russell's. Although Russell actually expressed a dilemma in deciding between the two guys (Mick or Brett), he ended up picking off Brett in the end; keeping Mick in the final three. I think Natalie may have helped convince Russell at Tribal council that he wouldn’t have a chance of getting any votes from the jury going up against Brett.

Unfortunately Mick made a bit of a mistake in his opening statement that cost him getting votes from the jury. The mistake? Never mention anything about being as honest as possible in the game. The whole point of the game is outwitting and outplaying people, which it’s sad to say, usually requires defying or lying to people. Natalie’s opening statement went fairly well. She didn’t mention anything about honesty or integrity; instead she focused on the fact that people would underestimate her, which they did.

One thing I’ve noticed about Survivor throughout the years is that you can always count on at least one jury member to spew out some nonsensical rant. Sometimes they try to pose the rant as a question, but really it’s not a question. In this cycle of the show, both Eric and Shambo fulfilled the nonsensical rambling quota. Something about Eric made me think he might cry.  I think that boy’s mind got fractured somewhere along the line. Too much coconut, perhaps? I don’t know. Whatever it is, he’s a tad crazy. Need I say that Shambo is crazy? Ok. I’ll say it one more time: that woman is crazy something fierce. Thankfully, in the end Natalie took the prize as the chosen Survivor. It would’ve been nice if Mick got the prize, but I’m satisfied that Natalie received the majority of votes. Anyone watching could see that Russell was clearly upset about that decision. Then again, he got so cocky in the end that he really convinced himself that the title was his. Too bad so sad for Russell; this time the bully didn’t win.

Congratulations Natalie!! Well done!!

The Bachelor is starting up soon, so more drama to look forward to in the new year. All new crazy women aching to date the same guy simultaneously … tell me there’s not going to be any delusional women in that scene.

Survivor Samoa -- 17 December 2009

After tribal council, they showed Brett rubbing Shambo's head. Really Brett? Ewwwww!!! (Shudder, shudder)

Brett still has a large target on his back where Russell and other members of Foa Foa are concerned. Although, given the choice between Brett and Mick, I think Natalie might be tempted to write down Mick's name before Brett. I was wondering if Russell would be able to convince Shambo to write down Brett's name if it came down to it. Then again, Shambo just asks how high whenever Russell asks or suggests that she do something. 

For the rewards challenge, Natalie and Russell picked rocks that determined them leaders of two groups. Right away, Natalie picked Brett as a team member, making her alliance members worry a bit. For the other other team mate, she chose Mick. Why not? They're both fit and clever guys. I would've done the same. Unfortunately, this challenge was more a game of chance than anything. Sadly, Natalie's team lost out on the reward's challenge. 

The immunity challenge: Good ol' Brett won again. He's safe for the final five. 

Finally, finally, Jaison made the best suggestion: to get rid of Shambo. I wasn't sure if him approaching Russell first was the best route to take, but it worked. He quickly told Russell his plan and as he was about to walk away, Shambo was approaching. Russell was quick on his lies and told Shambo another sweet lie to calm her down -- that Jaison was considering voting off Mick. As to why Jaison just walked away, Russell explained to her that he was just tired and frustrated. Jaison probably couldn't poker face and lie to her himself, so it's just as well he walked off.

At tribal, Shambo was just smiling away and blatantly admitted she was a traitor to the Galu tribe. That's just sooo Shambo -- not clever. I mean seriously. By blatantly smiling away and admitting that she went against her tribe, who makes up most of the jury, did she really expect to gain any votes if she made it to the final spot? Then, when Jeff brought this little tid bit of information up, as if he was reading my mind, she just gave that blankety-blank smiley face she usually gives, showing off her clueless self. Duh!

At last, at last! Finally Shambo is out of the running! A united vote across the board sent her packing. Woohooo!! It'll be interesting to see who makes it to the top spots in Sunday's finale. Stay tuned.

 

Survivor -- 10- Dec-2009 -- Double Elimination

Russell pulls the wool over Shambo's eyes way too easily. She's so gullible where Russell is concerned that it's scary. I definitely wouldn't want her working security anywhere. Yes, her name does come up frequently because of the things she says and does; it's unreal. Basically, Russell gave her a big fat lie as to why she was the only who wasn't on board when John got voted out.

Jaison is way too open with the others on his strategy to the others. He's not a bad guy, but I'm not so sure about his methods.

For the first immunity challenge, it was bowling ... island style. They had some cheap balls to use to knock down the cheap pins. Silly Shambo thought she was going to take the immunity idol. Uh, no Shambo -- that just is not going to happen. Jaison managed to win immunity for the second time in a row. Impressive. Looks like he's trying to make up for past group losses.

Back at camp, Monica put the seed of thought into Russell's head to vote out Shambo. Russell seemed to consider it at first, but ended up voting off Dave. At tribal council, Dave was the only one to write down Shambo's name. Unfortunately, everyone else also voted for Dave and so he was the next person to join the jury.

Russell is now trying to focus on voting off Brett. However, at the next immunity challenge, Brett saved his neck by winning immunity. So the next target that came Russell set his eyes on was Monica -- who completely ruffled his feathers at camp. Did her plot work? Possibly. She already set the poison in people's minds to vote off Russell. It's not the first time his name has shown up on the target, but apparently, that move made Monica a bigger target. At tribal, Russell showed off the hidden immunity idol, but did not play it. Only two people voted for Russell, with the remaining votes going towards Monica. The other one who voted for Russell? It was Brett. So the saga continues.

Will the rest of them vote off Shambo in time? or better yet, will they vote off Russell in time? Without Russell, Shambo is an even easier target to get rid of. Personally, I'd like to see Mick, Jaison, and Natalie as the final three. I would rest easy if they were top three. Russell and Shambo in the top three? Brrrr. I feel a shudder going down my spine.

Edna the Reluctant Stripper

Edna scribbled quickly in her journal, “I don’t what I was thinking when I agreed to do this job. Gloria made it sound so glamorous, but now that I’m here. Ugh! It’s just a bunch of sweaty old men waiting to jerk off at any given moment.”

Edna changed into her stage clothes. Before she put on the boots that she chose for her outfit, she stared at them momentarily, shook her head and then reluctantly put them on, completing her outfit. Just as Edna stood up from her chair and caught her balance, she heard the call from stage that they were ready for her. “What the hell have I gotten myself into?” Edna said to herself as she stepped in front of the glittery curtain.

On stage, Edna noticed that most of the audience consisted of the same desperate stares from men in the audience waiting to see what she would do with the pole on the stage while the music blared. One of her eyes twitched, making it appear that she had winked at one of the older, sweaty teams of men in the front. They howled and panted after her. They waved money in her direction for her to come and get it. As she reluctantly stepped closer towards them, she decided she didn’t want to take the chance of any of them putting their sweaty paws on her skimpy outfit … or worse yet, her. “Just leave it on the ground and I’ll pick it up,” Edna instructed them.

Strangely enough her reluctance excited the group of men more as they “whooped” and whistled louder, throwing their money on the stage. Finally, Edna’s songs finished, she collected her money from the floor, and returned back stage.

“How do you get away with it, Edna?” Candy asked her, twirling her gum with her finger before popping it back in her mouth.

“I don’t know. I’m not trying to turn them on; I don’t even know how I got talked into this second job. I don’t think I’ll be staying though,” Edna said.

“I don’t think Joey would want to see you go, but as competition, it bothers me how you get away with what you do and have the guys still go so crazy for it. Well, good luck to you.”

Edna looked at Candy twirling her black-rooted-platinum-dyed hair as Candy snapped away at her gum. “Thanks Candy. Take care.”

Candy heard her call to the stage and trotted happily away, leaving Edna to count her profit in private. “I guess it has its perks, but I sure don’t want to stick around here.”

With that, Edna packed up her belongings and decided to leave her boots on Candy’s dressing stand. She hoped that none of her male workmates from the office had visited the strip bar. If they had, hopefully they didn’t recognize her. Edna looked at her watch as she walked through the rear exit door knowing that she had options. Now she knew that if she really had to, she could be a stripper ... or not.

Survivor Samoa -- 3 December 2009

John told Monica he was the one who voted for Laura, breaking the original tribe's trust. That move was a mistake. Even though he tried to convince her it was the right thing to do, it just wasn't happening on Monica's part.

During the food auction, John had the choice to share some pie with some of his fellow players or just to have pie for himself. He decided to go with the chunk of pie for himself, thus continuing to make the target on his back a bit bigger and brighter. 

Then, there's Shambo. Somebody needs to vote that crazy woman off already. She's so ridiculous in her version of "reasoning". She got all bent out of shape because Dave told her she was going to ruin the chicken meal she was cooking up (chicken feet and all). Dave, did have a right to say how the chicken should be cooked because, after all, he won them for the group. So, that night Shambo dreamt that Dave was the next one to go and "informed" Russell of this tidbit of insight. Good ol' Russell humoured her and told her that if she dreamt it, it must be God's will. 

For the immunity challenge, the players could only have one hand on a rope tied to a big honking log and lower the log in increments. Did I mention it was with one hand that they had to hold on with? Insanity. It came down to Dave and Jaison for the last two standing. The immunity necklace went to Jaison, who had a bonus move over the rest of the players.

Dave, John, and Mick's names came up for cast mates to vote off. John's name came up enough times to really throw him for a loop among a few others. Sorry Shambo, but your dream is just a mere dream -- no reality to it.

Preview for next week looks like Mick's stepping up in the plotting and scheming. His target is switching to Russell. Hopefully for Mick, Russell doesn't catch wind of this. Not to mention, if Mick is as smart as I hope he is, he won't do what some of the others have done -- confront Russell directly. We all know that just puts a big, bright target on the player's head. So, tune in next week and see how Mick stirs the pot. If he plays his cards right, it could go in his favour. If not, well it might be farewell Mick. 

8 Remaining:

• Russell H
• Monica
• Brett
• Mick
• Dave
• Jaison
• Natalie
• Shambo

Confused Carnivore? Not Really

It was recently noted that red pandas are listed on something called a “confused carnivore” list among some other mammals.

Recent information about red pandas suggests that they are more closely related to the dog family than previously thought. So this little critter (slightly bigger than a house cat) enjoys chomping on bamboo bits, but also consumes eggs, birds, insects, and small mammals (as in rodents). Why do scientists find that confusing? Who decided it was confused? To get some answers on what the red panda thinks about being on the confused carnivore list, we spoke to a red panda through an interpreter at a conservation park in Nepal. The panda chose to remain anonymous for the interview, so for simplicity sake, the panda will only be identified as “RP”.

RP finally joined the interpreter and myself at a private setting in one of Nepal’s protected conservation parks. (I thought they’d never show up.) After we got comfortable, the interview began:

Interviewer: Thanks for joining us here today. I’m glad you could make it.

RP: No problem. I didn’t have any big plans today. Then again, I don’t usually have huge plans with the exception of finding decent bamboo to chew on. You know, it’s hard to find the good quality stuff these days.

Interviewer: Is that so? Why do you say it’s hard to find good bamboo these days?

RP sat back on his branch set up for him, and scratched his belly momentarily.

RP: Well, it seems that areas I used to be able to get bamboo is now restricted for other purposes.

Interviewer: Really? How so? What kind of purposes?

RP, sat up and inspected me closely, paused, and then reclined back on his branch.

RP: How so? How so? How am I supposed to know? I live on a bloody conservation park. It’s not like I follow the bamboo thief to see what they’re doing with it. I just know they’re taking it from me.

Interviewer: Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t realize it was such a sore topic.

RP: Yeah, well it is. I mean how would you feel if you’re sitting there one day chewing on whatever it is you eat, like you’re really enjoying it, and then someone snatches it from your hand and then tells you, “sorry, that ain’t for you anymore. You can have this stuff instead.” Except when you look at the new stuff they’re leaving for you, it’s real crap-like and you know it’s going to be a long time between now and when you can get that same sense of satisfaction again.

Interviewer: You have a point. Anyway, I have recently read something from scientists that have put red pandas on a confused carnivore list. How do you feel about this?

RP: How do I feel about it? Well, I’ll tell you how I feel about it. I think those scientists need to get sorted. I mean I’m not confused at all. What makes them think I’m confused? Do I seem confused to you? Er, don’t answer that. It was a hypothetical question. What I’m saying is that I’m happy with who and what I am. I have no confusion about that. What I do have trouble understanding is why scientists don’t understand that. I mean they’re always coming in here watching my every move, making me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I give ‘em dirty looks, but then sometimes they might bring me some goods you know and then it lightens the mood.

Interviewer: Goods? What sort of goods?

RP: Nothing illegal if you’re trying to twist what I’m saying. Just good old-fashioned quality bamboo. Sometimes they bring insects. You know, pandas can’t survive on bamboo alone – even if it is good quality.

Interviewer: Understood. Well it sounds like you’re quite satisfied with what you have here. I’d like to thank you for your time and interesting insight today RP.

I passed RP a few bamboo shoots as a thank you. He stared at it with his dark eyes for a moment before snatching it out of my hands. Just like that, he got off his branch and waddled back out into the conservation park.

In other related news, rare giant otters in the UK found a "love match". Upon a brief discussion with the two, it turns out that the otter conservation people weren't the only relieved ones about the match. The two otters were also relieved that they were not stuck with complete losers and that the right chemistry happened almost right off the bat with the pair.